To-Do List 01/04/17

  • Make a sign that says “PLEASE DO NOT ABUSE ME, YOU FUCKING ANIMALS” and tape it to the front desk service bell at my hotel.
  • Research potential open calls to send my short story “Every Breath is a Choice”. It was originally accepted to be published by Time Alone’s Let Me In anthology, but the press emailed their authors today informing them the project was dead. This was not a surprise. I predicted this would happen last year when they decided to split the anthology into three volumes because “golly, there are just so many good stories! we couldn’t possibly choose only ONE ToC!” Note that they couldn’t even publish one volume, nonetheless three.
  • Scratch ass.
  • Write a pitch article for a potential column series at a popular horror magazine you’ve undoubtedly read.
  • Write a pitch book review for a website that mostly reviews movies.
  • Continue and possibly finish this week’s short story, currently titled “Poison (Deadly Nightshade)”.
  • Add at least one page to novel-in-progress, titled Cirrhosis.
  • Continue edits on mystery novella.
  • Continue edits on Betty’s novella.
  • Type an entire sentence without getting interrupted by a guest requesting guidance on proper toilet-paper-wiping etiquette.
  • Don’t eat like a piece of shit. If you spend several weeks eating mostly healthy, then have fast food, your stomach will definitely file a complaint with the landlord. Ugh. Whataburger, you monster.
  • Proof this month’s issue of Dark Moon Digest.
  • Proof John Foster’s upcoming collection one final time.
  • Inhale.
  • Exhale.
  • Inhale.
  • Exhale.
  • Inhale.
  • Exhale.
  • Remind myself there’s a town in Texas called Ding Dong.
  • Smile.

The hotel book is finally out

Everybody who ordered one of the limited edition hardcovers should have their copy now. If you missed out on the HC, the eBook and paperback versions are also available. I wrote a thing on LitReactor about how the book came to life, but basically this one’s heavily based off my own experience from working the night shift at a hotel. Hopefully it’s funny and surreal and horrifying and an okay way to pass the time until you die.

It will probably get me fired. So please buy it so I can afford groceries once I’m unemployed.

nightly_disease-1

You can buy it on Amazon HERE or if you want to buy a signed copy directly from me just shoot me an email at maxboothiii@gmail.com and we can work something out. The cost for signed copies will be a flat $20 (includes shipping) if you live in the US, and if you live outside the US just add another $7. Paypal only. The personalized copies will contain owl stickers.

I’ve typed the word “buy” out enough times in this post to make me vomit and I do apologize for that.

To-Do List 01/03/17

  • Send PDF of The Nightly Disease to Chinese agent requesting to check it out on behalf of one of her clients. Try not to get my hopes up. Try not to wonder why anybody would give a shit about some dumb thing I wrote while very sleepy. Consider contacting other foreign publishers and throwing my book at them. Wonder why I don’t have an agent. Consider setting myself on fire.
  • Write blog post about The Nightly Disease being officially available since it’s been out for, like, two weeks now and I haven’t said shit about it on this blog, except for right now, but this doesn’t count because nobody should be reading this list but me, hence why I’m posting it publicly instead of privately.
  • Continue working on Week 1’s story for the Story-a-Week challenge.
  • Begin edits on novella written by author I cannot reveal yet for a collection PMMP’s publishing sometime in early 2018.
  • Continue edits on Betty Rocksteady’s novella.
  • Continue not giving a shit about the point of doing things and continue just doing them because I fucking want to because that should be enough it needs to be enough it is enough and if anybody ever tries telling you or me differently burn their house down you burn it down and you make them eat the ashes of all their possessions and the ashes of their family
  • Enthusiastically reject the desire to edit punctuation into the last section.
  • Continue listening to Ramshackle Glory’s Die the Nightmare (or is that Live the Dream?)

  • Scream the sentence “ALL COPS ARE BASTARDS” over and over until I lose my voice.
  • Eat healthy. Stay moving when I’m not typing or shitting or sleeping or dying.
  • Contemplate pitch idea for a 33 1/3 book. Modest Mouse’s The Lonesome Crowded West? Well, no shit.
  • Only sleep the bare minimum necessary to prevent an automobile accident.

2017’s Story-a-Week Challenge

I’ll be trying to participate in 2017’s Story-a-Week Challenge, which is pretty self-explanatory. Every week this year I will attempt to begin and finish a new short story. The word count doesn’t matter. I won’t be doing this alone. Other much more talented folks like Jessica McHugh, Jay Wilburn, MIchael David Wilson, and others I don’t have the energy to name right now are also joining me. I don’t know if I’ll make every week but I’ll certainly try. I’ll write weekly updates on this here blog about how it’s going. I don’t know why this is something I feel like others will want to read about. It really isn’t. But I’m gonna do it anyway because who the fuck even reads this blog

To-Do List 01/02/17

  • Eat a dope-ass snickerdoodle cookie my girlfriend bought me at H-E-B. One of those kinda healthy (although what cookie is truly healthy?) cookies you find in the vegan aisle. Lots of protein and fiber and shit like that. They’re delicious. [FINISHED AS I WAS WRITING THIS LIST]
  • Drink some coffee, but don’t overdo it like I did on New Year’s Eve. I drank three entire pots that day. My stomach got furious at me and rejected it all out about twenty minutes into the new year. But I try not to drink alcohol because cirrhosis is destroying my liver and that is not a joke, it’s the real deal, Phil, so what else is there? Water? Ha-ha, what the fuck, you’re adorable.
  • Begin edits on Betty Rocksteady’s novella for the second time. PMMP’s publishing it sometime this year. Probably in April, but I’m not 100% yet. I’d already edited half of it, but my Mac is officially D-E-A-D and I am a fool who forgot to back it up, so now I’m starting on the edits again. The one time I edit something directly from a computer screen instead of printing it out and attacking it with a pen and highlighter. This is what I deserve.
  • Wonder what I will do if Geek Squad can’t fix my Mac. I have some money but not a lot and certainly not enough for a new laptop right now. Thanks a fucking lot, Santa.
  • Order vendor table for San Antonio Lit Fest in April
  • Read more of Nick Cutter’s Little Heaven and John Darnielle’s Master of Reality
  • Write a blog post about embracing the 2017 Story-a-Week challenge
  • Write my first story of 2017, a little girls-on-the-run-with-a-goddamn-gun piece currently titled “Poison (Deadly Nightshade)”, which is, yes, a reference to Lana Del Rey’s “Ultraviolence”.

  • Survive my first shift back at the hotel after three extremely productive nights off
  • Survive
  • Survive
  • Survive
  • Wonder what’s so special about surviving

A Very Spooky Story for Halloween

It was a dark and stormy night, and all of the children in town had to stay inside since their terrible parents wouldn’t let them walk in the rain. The next year, some of those kids were deemed too old by society to continue trick r’ treating. Instead, they lay in bed scrolling their social media feeds, viewing the parties of more popular kids and pretending they’d been invited. A few years later, these same kids went off to college and became accountants and lawyers. Some of them chose not to attend college and stayed in their shit-ass towns to join the local police force. Even with their calculators or neckties or big guns at their hips, none of them ever found the kind of happiness they’d once experienced as children trick r’ treating on Halloween night.

They all died alone.

Just as their parents had died. Just as their parents’ parents had died.

Just as their own children will die.

Just as you will die.

SOMEBODY ONCE TOLD ME THE WORLD IS GONNA ROLL ME I AIN’T THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED SHE WAS LOOKING KIND OF DUMB WITH HER FINGER AND HER THUMB IN THE SHAPE OF AN L ON HER FOREHEAD WELL THE YEARS START COMING AND THEY DON’T STOP COMING FED TO THE RULES AND I HIT THE GROUND RUNNING DIDN’T MAKE SENSE NOT TO LIVE FOR FUN YOUR BRAIN GETS SMART BUT YOUR HEAD GETS DUMB SO MUCH TO DO SO MUCH TO SEE SO WHAT’S WRONG WITH TAKING THE BACK STREETS YOU’LL NEVER KNOW IF YOU DON’T GO YOU’LL NEVER SHINE IF YOU DON’T GLOW HEY NOW YOU’RE AN ALL STAR GET YOUR GAME ON GO PLAY HEY NOW YOU’RE A ROCK STAR GET THE SHOW ON GET PAID AND ALL THAT GLITTERS IS GOLD ONLY SHOOTING STARS BREAK THE MOLD IT’S A COOL PLACE AND THEY SAY IT GETS COLDER YOU’RE BUNDLED UP NOW WAIT ‘TIL YOU GET OLDER BUT THE METEOR MEN BEG TO DIFFER JUDGING BY THE HOLE IN THE SATELLITE PICTURE THE ICE WE SKATE IS GETTING PRETTY THIN THE WATER’S GETTING WARM SO YOU MIGHT AS WELL SWIM MY WORLD’S ON FIRE HOW ABOUT YOURS THAT’S THE WAY I LIKE IT AND I’LL NEVER GET BORED HEY NOW YOU’RE AN ALL STAR GET YOUR GAME ON GO PLAY HEY NOW YOU’RE A ROCK STAR GET THE SHOW ON GET PAID AND ALL THAT GLITTERS IS GOLD ONLY SHOOTING STARS BREAK THE MOLD HEY NOW YOU’RE AN ALL STAR GET YOUR GAME ON GO PLAY HEY NOW YOU’RE A ROCK STAR GET THE SHOW ON GET PAID AND ALL THAT GLITTERS IS GOLD ONLY SHOOTING STARS BREAK THE MOLD SOMEBODY ONCE ASKED COULD I SPARE SOME CHANGE FOR GAS I NEED TO GET MYSELF AWAY FROM THIS PLACE I SAID YEP WHAT A CONCEPT I COULD USE A LITTLE FUEL MYSELF AND WE COULD ALL USE A LITTLE CHANGE WELL THE YEARS START COMING AND THEY DON’T STOP COMING FED TO THE RULES AND I HIT THE GROUND RUNNING DIDN’T MAKE SENSE NOT TO LIVE FOR FUN YOUR BRAIN GETS SMART BUT YOUR HEAD GETS DUMB SO MUCH TO DO SO MUCH TO SEE SO WHAT’S WRONG WITH TAKING THE BACK STREETS YOU’LL NEVER KNOW IF YOU DON’T GO YOU’LL NEVER SHINE IF YOU DON’T GLOW HEY NOW YOU’RE AN ALL STAR GET YOUR GAME ON GO PLAY HEY NOW YOU’RE A ROCK STAR GET THE SHOW ON GET PAID AND ALL THAT GLITTERS IS GOLD ONLY SHOOTING STARS BREAK THE MOLD and all that glitters is gold only shooting stars break the mold

I now have a Patreon.

Pre-Order Signed Limited Edition of Hotel Novel, THE NIGHTLY DISEASE

Only 52 copies will be printed of the hardcover. Each one will be signed. Pre-orders were made available on Tuesday. As of Thursday night, only 11 copies remain unclaimed. If you want one of these things, I suggest you act fast. Get it HERE.

nightly_disease-1

Sleep is just a myth created by mattress salesmen.

Isaac, a night auditor of a hotel somewhere in the surreal void of Texas, is sick and tired of his guests. When he clocks in at night, he’s hoping for a nice, quiet eight hours of Netflix-bingeing and occasional masturbation. What he doesn’t want to do is fetch anybody extra towels or dive face-first into somebody’s clogged toilet. And he sure as hell doesn’t want to get involved in some trippy owl conspiracy or dispose of any dead bodies. But hey…that’s life in the hotel business.

Welcome to The Nightly Disease. Please enjoy your stay.

However, I understand the price is pretty hefty. Don’t sweat it if you want to read the novel but can’t afford the $60 price tag. Sometime next year, a cheaper paperback will be available. But be careful: the Goddamn Hotel may murder us all long before then.

Also, you can read the entire book online in serial-form for just $4.99. Check out THIS POST for more info on the serial subscription.

Interview: Bizzong! Podcast

Oh hi there. A few weeks ago the wonderful Frank Edler interviewed me on his podcast, Bizzong! and it’s taken me until now to remember to post about it here. So…here it is.

I’m starting to embrace more podcasts despite my fear of speaking to people, which has a lot to do with my very obvious speech impediment (something you’ll pick up on immediately as you begin listening to the show).

But hey. The only way to beat these kinds of fears is to just stomp onward and not give a shit. So that’s what I’m doing. Not giving a shit about how I sound.

Word on the street is, I may even be in the process of beginning my own podcast, but if I said anything further there’s a good chance my co-host would strangle me.

Until then, check out my interview on Bizzong!

New Novel Coming Soon: THE NIGHTLY DISEASE

I’m stoked to announce DarkFuse will be publishing my new novel, titled The Nightly Disease (previously No Sleep ‘Til Dying).  This is the “hotel novel” I never seem to shut up about, based loosely on my own experiences as a hotel night auditor.

Check out this fucking cover painted by the lovely Zach McCain:

nightly_disease-1

Sleep is just a myth created by mattress salesmen.

Isaac, a night auditor of a hotel somewhere in the surreal void of Texas, is sick and tired of his guests. When he clocks in at night, he’s hoping for a nice, quiet eight hours of Netflix-bingeing and occasional masturbation. What he doesn’t want to do is fetch anybody extra towels or dive face-first into somebody’s clogged toilet. And he sure as hell doesn’t want to get involved in some trippy owl conspiracy or dispose of any dead bodies. But hey…that’s life in the hotel business.

Welcome to The Nightly Disease. Please enjoy your stay.

The Nightly Disease will be first be released as an online serial for the paid subscribes of DarkFuse Magazine throughout the month of October. Every night next month, a new installment will be posted at 11PM EST, which is what time I would be clocking in at my hotel if I lived somewhere with an Eastern Standard Timezone. But alas! I am Central, so each installment will actually be posted an hour before my shift begins. Which makes sense, because the hour before my shift is often the cruelest.

You can order an annual subscription of the magazine HERE, and if you enter the code CheckMeIn you’ll even receive a 50% discount. Note: this offer expires on September 29th at 11:59PM EST.

The Nightly Disease will also be published  as a limited edition (52 copies) signed hardcover early next year. Pre-orders for this hardcover will be made available sometime in October, so keep an eye out. Subscribe to my newsletter if you want me to email you the moment you can pre-order it (subscribe in the sidebar to your right).

I’ve also received many queries about paperback and digital editions. The answer is yes, those will be made available sometime in 2017 as well, but right now the publisher would like to focus on selling the 52 limited hardcovers first. So if you can’t afford the limited edition signed hardcover when it’s available, hey, it’s okay, there will be cheaper methods of purchasing it sometime down the road.

Until there is more news to report, I recommend liking my Confessions of a Night Auditor page on Facebook, which I regularly update during my night shifts.