Tag Archives: gun

The Customer is Always Right — Especially When They Have a Gun

While the juicy deliciousness of fast food has brought out the crazy in many of us, at least you can feel safe at night knowing it’s never influenced someone to shoot off a gun. Ha. Just kidding. It totally has.

Come on now, were you really surprised?

Hell, when it comes to fast food, the only thing that WOULD surprise me at this point is if someone ordered a Big Mac and a large fry and paid the correct amount and was given his exact order and he left happily. Now THAT would be a twist ending.

But no, we’re left to deal with the customers who will straight up shoot your ass.

Like, for example, when a mysterious white SUV pulled up to a Taco Bell drive-thru one late night expecting food, only to be turned away for a silly little reason such as the restaurant being closed. So, instead of trying his luck at the 24-hour McDonalds down the street, the driver instead opted to park in front of the restaurant and refused to budge until he was given the service he demanded. Although, I have to say he probably had better chances of survival staying parked out there than risking his luck at McDonalds. Really, Micky Ds and Taco Bell are just two chambers of the most disgusting game of Russian Roulette—one way or another it is not staying inside your body.

So, after sitting out there for a while, the manager finally decided to go give him a talking to. Of course, as soon as he opened the door, he was greeted with a sudden rain of bullets brushing past his face. Fortunately, they all missed him. Unfortunately, however, they hit the employee behind him, exploding into her leg and knocking her down to the ground. The SUV then drove off, probably because he suddenly remembered there was a Wendy’s two blocks over. Also because he didn’t want to go to jail. Oh, and he was crazy. That, too.

Speaking of Wendy’s, let’s take a look at a case that occurred back in 2007, also in Miami (COINCIDENCE!?). Our new drive-thru employee was just doing his job behind the drive-thru window when someone decided it was Let’s Be a Dickhead Day (it was actually just a regular Tuesday). A man pulled up and retrieved his order. Understandably, he asked for some chili sauce, which was given to him.

Then he asked for some more. This is when things started going downhill. Apparently, the absolute maximum amount of chili sauce per customer is three packets (as any Wendy’s aficionado surely knows), and the unknown drive-thru worker liked to pride himself as an ideal employee. The man in the car, however, did not give a shit what the policy was, and demanded more chili sauce. The manager, Renal Frage, was then called up to the window for assistance.  They bickered for a while, the customer just not understanding why on earth someone who refuse him chili sauce, and then drove away in a huff. It was not until the manager, Frage, returned to his office that he realized the customer had totally just shot him in the arm, and was now bleeding all over everywhere. He then proceeded to check his body multiple times in complete shock, forever confused at the mindset of humanity.

“I was trying to figure out while in the hospital why someone would shoot me over some chili sauce.”

Yeah, good luck there buddy. Perhaps you might want to consider uping that sauce policy to like four or five packets. Maybe even six. Just a suggestion.