Tag Archives: zombies

Horror Western Novella, BLACK, Featured on GREAT JONES STREET

Eryk Pruitt has taken over Great Jones Street this week and he’s chosen my horror western novella, BLACK, as the story-of-the-day. You can read it in full HERE. Also, look at this artwork. Oh my god.

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Someone sold Charlie Lansdale’s soul to the devil. Now he lives a life of crime and tragedy he’ll never escape, much like the jail cell of the small Texas town in which he sits when Hell comes to collect. Outside is a chaotic horror show, and there’s nothing Charlie nor Marshal Ray Bennett can do about it.

It’s kind of an older story, so it’s a bit rough, but I still think it’s pretty good. I’ve been toying with the idea of rewriting it into a full-length novel, actually, so this comes at a nice time. BLACK was originally published in an anthology called WELCOME TO HELL then was later reissued as a standalone through Hazardous Press (which has, of course, gone under). What do you think? Interested in reading a novel version of this story? Let me know!

Also, if you haven’t already ordered Eryk Pruit’s new novel, what are you waiting for?

Jay Wilburn Kidnaps His Protagonist (Whose Name Is Satchelmouth Murderman, Holy Shit, Are You Kidding Me)

I recently wrote a novel called How to Successfully Kidnap Strangers. Some people have used it as a guide, others have used it to balance wobbly dinner tables. It’s about a writer who one day impulsively kidnaps a book reviewer outside of a coffee shop, in front of dozens of witnesses. This is obviously not how one would successfully go about kidnapping a stranger. My novel is more of an anti-guide. Do the opposite of what my characters do, and you might actually have a successful abduction.

But now that I’ve gotten a few kidnappings under my belt, I’ve decided to hold some auditions for those who might be interested in being my partner. Today’s audition features Jay Wilburn. We will be discussing the possibility of kidnapping the protagonist from his novel, The Dead Song Legend Dodecology (Book 1: January).

Dead Song Book 1 final cover

MB: All right, Jay, before I agree to be your partner, you’re gonna have to answer a few questions. I don’t kidnap strangers with just anybody. Well, not usually. I have a long list of potential partners awaiting my consideration, so let’s make this fast. Who the hell are you, and why should I trust you?

JW: There was a man named Jay Wilburn. He was a good man, active in his church. He was a teacher and idealistic. One day that man had to be destroyed so that his dreams might live. I hid his body in the swamps of South Carolina, assumed his identity, quit teaching, and started writing zombie stories.

MB: That’s really rather creepy. Good. Provide examples of your criminal past. Any jail time served? Ever jaywalk or swallow your gum even though you knew it would stay in your stomach for years until eventually hatching into a horrifying monster? I need to know this kind of stuff ahead of time.

JW: Jay walking is the only way I know how to do it. I’ve been behind on my rent before. I ghost write stories. I wrote a few term papers for rich kids.

MB: Do you have any special talents? What can you bring to the table?

JW: I have practiced a little with a bow and arrow. If you need me to miss somebody, I’m your man.

jay naked

MB: I recollect a story you once wrote about shooting a teenage girl in the ass with an arrow, so this checks out. All right, so if you’re wanting to work with me, you must already have a target in mind. Who are we kidnapping?

JW: Satchelmouth Murderman.

MB: That…that sure is a name. I was going to ask you what’s so special about him, but after hearing his name I’m not sure I want to know.

JW: He’s a former minor league baseball player that starts recording music after the zombie apocalypse. The post apocalyptic travel teams are willing to pay in can goods, if we can deliver him.

MB: Wait a minute. The zombie apocalypse has happened already? Holy shit. I need to get out more. So what kind of ransom are we looking at? Are we walking away with a few hundred thousand, a million, what? Or something besides cash? What’s in it for me?

JW: We can probably get some gasoline and toothpaste, if you are being greedy—pre-apocalyptic toothpaste, so…pretty awesome.

MB: Be honest. How dangerous is a person named Satchelmouth Murderman? Probably super murderous if I had to guess.

JW: He is pretty deadly with a knife and has a special bat designed for cracking skulls without splintering. It was mainly for zombies, but it will work on living people too. His friends are willing to chase after whoever has him, so it could get dicey.

MB: What location were you thinking? The best place to abduct this Murderman with as few witnesses as possible. Is there somewhere we can get him alone?

JW: He is burying his sister back in their hometown. He’ll be off his guard, I think.

MB: Okay, we have a target and a location. Now we need to discuss method. There’s many ways to kidnap a person. We could sneak up on him and throw a potato sack over his head. We could shoot him with a tranquilizer. We could order him a pizza and lace it with sleeping pills. The possibilities are endless.

JW: I recommend going in fast. People have tried before and most of them are dead. I think maybe I should stay with the car and be sure it stays running and the air stays cold while you grab him.

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MB: That sounds awfully convenient for you, but okay. So now that we have him, how long until someone notices he’s gone? Who’s going to be coming after him? Should I be worried?

JW: Tiny Jones will know right away. Kidd Banjo will follow after that. They have been particularly murdery in the past. When you kidnap a man named Murderman, you have to expect a little trouble, right?

MB: All of those names sound absolutely insane. How could we convince them we mean business? They’re not getting Murderman back until the ransom has been delivered. Should we cut off some limbs or what? Shave a scalp, maybe? You know, once I filmed a hostage being forced to walk on a floor of legos, then sent the video to the guy’s wife. She paid up, like, immediately. What would work best for Satchelmouth? Try to be creative.

JW: He is really creeped out by zombies that are in pieces. If we put a bunch of those around him, he’ll be pretty freaked out. Tiny Jones is not cool with zombie children.

MB: How do you predict this hypothetical kidnapping ending? Will it all be smooth sailing, or is there a massive gunfight in our future? I don’t mind spilling a little blood here and there, I just need to be prepared.

JW: Almost definitely a gunfight. It will be an epic ending for anyone not in charge of keeping the car running, so you should be careful.

MB: I may need some time to come to terms with the fact that the zombie apocalypse happened without anyone telling me, and I’ll definitely need time to build up enough courage to take on someone named Murderman, but yeah, sure, what the hell, count me in. Let’s kidnap!

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Now Available – BLACK (a novella)

My horror western novella, Black, is now available in print from Hazardous Press. And the publisher has made it extremely affordable at just $4.74. That’s for the print edition, mind you–not the ebook. That’s $4.74 for 84 pages of horror fun.

The Amazon blurb describes Black as “A horrific zombie western tale of a gunfighter cursed with unwanted immortality. It’s one thing to make a deal with the Devil; it’s another when the deal is made for you.”

It also features a lengthy, exclusive interview with Joe McKinney, the king of zombies. Again, all for under five bucks. Holy crap, right?

Just take a look at this beautiful cover designed by Matthew Revert and tell me you don’t want that in your hands RIGHT THIS INSTANT:

BUY BLACK TODAY!

 

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Review: THE WORLD’S END

The World’s End is the third and final film of the Three Flavours Cornetto Trilogy (also known as The Blood and Ice Cream Trilogy) created by Edgar Wright, Simon Pegg, and Nick Frost. It is about five friends reuniting after twenty years to complete an infamous pub crawl in their hometown. The pubs include: The First Post, The Old Familiar, The Famous Cock, The Cross Hands, The Good Companions, The Trusty Servant, The Two Headed Dog, The Mermaid, The Beehive, The King’s Head, The Hole in the Wall, and, of course, The World’s End. Continue reading Review: THE WORLD’S END

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Hazardous Press to Publish BLACK (a novella)

COMING OCTOBER 2013 FROM HAZARDOUS PRESS!

 

I have sold my horror western novella, BLACK, to Hazardous Press. It will be released this October!

BLACK was previously published in the anthology, WELCOME TO HELL (edited by Eric S Brown), and my personal story collection, TRUE STORIES TOLD BY A LIAR, and it has now been revived and expanded to be printed solo. Joe McKinney will also interview me about zombies and the interview will be collected in the back of the novella as “bonus content”.

Thanks to Robert Helmbrecht for taking a liking to this story and believing in it enough to publish it. It’s one of my favorite stories and I can’t wait to share it with a wider audience.

The cover was, of course, designed by the always wonderful Matthew Revert.

Cheers.

 

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In Which I Take Over the HWA Blog and Pimp Zombie Jesus

So in case you didn’t know, I recently edited an anthology for Dark Moon Books called Zombie Jesus and Other True Stories. It comes out in just over a week. To promote it I wrote a guest post on the Horror Writers Association blog today; in this post you’ll find out how to win a free, signed copy of this book. So, ya know, maybe check it out.

Also, for another chance to win a free copy, go over to the promo blog I’ve been running and leave a comment on literally any post to be entered in the drawing. Or, you could just preorder the book right now and receive a free poster of the book cover. Which I’m sure you’ll be convinced to do once you lay eyes on this beautiful bastard below:

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The Sex Toy of Tomorrow

 

Here at RumpRage Industries we claim to be an influential company (we claim a lot of things), aiding the lonely man and/or woman since 1973. And aside from the sparse cases of dissatisfied homeless people (keep in mind we never actually verified the Rum Sucker’s capability; besides, no one really cares about homeless people, we just say we do), we have succeeded.

 

We have enlightened many generations on the fine arts that we’ve grown to love today; ever since we first brought up the age old question: why drool over Disney’s Aladdin and risk damaging your television, when you can simply just stick your penis in a real lamp?

See? We're geniuses.

It’s so simple once you think about it

Now, ladies and gentlemen, we have come forth once again with an invention so ingenious it is sure to make you explode from the mere thought of it. Explode in your pants.

For years you have watched George A. Romero movies, gasping in delight as hordes of flesh eating monsters ambushed the unsuspecting fictional public. For years you have been wondering what exactly you would do if caught up in a similar scenario. You have been daydreaming and daydreaming of the day the undead finally rises.

Also during this time, according to studies pulled right out of our asses, you have also been having lots and lots of sex with dolls.

Well, obviously we took the only logical step to progress mankind. Meaning, of course, we have merged your two favorite hobbies into one boner-inducing masterpiece.

So without further ado, let us proudly present you with … The Zombie Love Doll.

Object may appear larger (and sexier) in person

Object may appear larger (and sexier) in person

Every necrophiliac’s wet maggoty dream has come true, thanks to the beautiful minds behind the creation room of RumpRage Industries.

Now, instead of going through all the dirty work of buying shovels and digging through graveyards, you can just skip all the hassle and get straight to the boning! No longer will the fear of prison be a factor, for this toy is absolutely street legal (we think). You can buy this baby at your local Walmart even (probably not). You will never have to worry about what the neighbors think, because statistics tell us that they will most likely buy one too (they won’t).

This top of the line item is the sex toy of the future! Sure to inspire many more lovely inventions along the way. Let us please clue you in on some of these incredible features:

Voice Operative!

Now as you thrust into your undead partner, hear her moan! And moan. And croak.

Amazing realistic feel!

When you rub your hands along your new gal you’ll be sure to feel its exceptionally arousing cold rotting flesh. You can stroke her razor sharp bloody fingernails anywhere you please! Just keep in mind that they are really sharp. And we mean really sharp.

Long lasting odor!

Sealing your new love doll with the recent groundbreaking perfume, “Casket Shagger”, we have made well certain that it will seem like you’re right there in the dug-up grave with her! Finally you can violate a corpse (or a zombie, whatever) in the privacy of your own home! Or your neighbor’s home! Whatever!

Mobile Brains!

Carry these squishy foreplay beauties right in your doll’s head! Just pop open the detachable skull, place them in, and enjoy. You’ll never experience such pleasure anywhere else in your life! Bring the metaphor a reality and literally fuck her brains out!

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Along with many more tasteful additions, and with the low cost of $499.99, you’re getting one helluva deal! We’re practically giving these things away. Why, you may ask? Don’t we love money? Well yes, of course we love money. But we love our customers even more. We strive to satisfy, and with this undead love-machine, we guarantee satisfaction!

 

And, uh, if you aren’t, then too bad. What are you going to do, sue us over the unsatisfactory plastic corpse you humped? Yeah, that’s what we thought.

Zombies Need Love, Too (Call For Submissions)

Working Title: Zombies Need Love, Too

Edited by: Max Booth III

Contact info: storyslingersubmissions@gmail.com

This will be a zombie anthology about blood, guts and sex, with an introduction written by Scott S. Phillips of THE STINK OF FLESH fame. This is an anthology being put together by a couple of independent authors. We plan to submit the finished copy first to Dark Moon Books.

The present, very tentative title for it so far is “ZOMBIES NEED LOVE, TOO”, so what does that tell you? What comes to mind when you hear the phrase ZOMBIE ROMANCE, or ZOMBIE LOVE, or HOT SEXY ZOMBIES ALL OVER THE PLACE CHECK IT OUT YOU GUYS?

Sexual content involving the undead is our main theme—however, this does not mean that you are to write a full on erotica story, because that is just weird. We want actual stories—NOT pornos. Also, your story doesn’t have to actually involve literal sex in it–zombies involving just love in general would be great submissions as well.

We would also like to make it clear that it doesn’t necessarily need to involve sex with the undead, just that we’re looking for stories involving sexually charged relationships, situations or overtones, but that also happen to involve zombies.

Except for erotica, any style of writing will be appropriate—ESPECIALLY humor. C’mon, it’s stories about zombie sex. How is that not funny?

And to answer some of your questions, yes, this concept is incredibly creepy and wrong on so many levels. However … actually, we don’t have any excuses. It is what it is.

Twenty years from now, will any of us be proud that we contributed to this book? Most definitely not. But that’s like, what, twenty years from now. Most of us will probably be dead by then.

Maximum word count is 5,000 words; although this is not very strict, anything over should be an exception and not the rule.

• DEADLINE: March 31st

• PAYMENT: Sadly, we can’t pay you, as we are just as poor as you are. However, everyone who is published in it will receive one complimentary copy.

Reprints ARE acceptable, as long as they are not currently available online.

• Multiple submissions are fine.

Submit to storyslingersubmissions@gmail.com